My Ugly Fruit Turkey

A fun and fruity holiday contribution

As a kid I didn’t realize how much work went into making Thanksgiving happen. My contribution to Thanksgiving was watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and enjoying the smell of turkey and pies baking in the kitchen while staying out of the way. Eventually we would eat, then nap, and by the time I woke up everything had been cleaned up and put away. Thanksgiving was something that just happened.

Fast forward a bunch of years and I married a wonderful woman who, among many other gifts, is a great cook. So is her sister. So is everybody in my family, except for me. Every year, someone cooks the turkey and someone makes the stuffing and people bake pies while I sit in the living room watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

In my defense, I am not a good cook. I can’t follow directions. I find baking boring. I recently tried to make pancakes using instant pancake mix and messed them up. It is better for all parties involved for me to stay out of the kitchen, especially on holidays.

As a parent, there’s something inside me that makes me want to contribute… something. I can’t bake the turkey. I can’t bake a pie. I can’t make the stuffing.

And so, I made a… fruit turkey.

I did not invent the concept of the fruit turkey, nor is mine made of fruit, which makes the name a bit nonsensical. I don’t remember where, but I found a picture of a similar looking creation online and thought… that’s something I can make.

The fruit turkey had a cantaloupe for a body, a pear for a head, and lots of sliced up bell peppers (not fruit) for winds and feet.

The highlight were the tail feathers which I intentionally made to act as fruit-ka-bobs. Again, other than the grapes, there’s no fruit on them. I believe those were cubes of ham and cubes of cheese.

Despite looking like an old man, mentally I am about twelve years old. I still like video games, and silly movies, and doing goofy things like bringing a fruit turkey to Thanksgiving.

I must confess that my ugle fruit turkey didn’t turn out exactly how I imagined it would (and didn’t much resemble the fancy example I found online), but all the kids loved it.

And it was fun to gobble up.

(Is it really a holiday without bad dad jokes?)

Happy Thanksgiving!