The Sad Melting of Jar Jar Binks

Nothing lasts forever, not even a lollipop

Throughout the years I’ve collected some pretty wacky Star Wars related items, one of which was Jar Jar Binks tongue, in candy form.

Shortly after the release of <i>Star Wars</i> in 1977 Kenner began producing toys based on the film, and it didn’t take them long for them to release they were literally printing money. If they made action figures, people would buy them. If they made playsets, people would buy them. If they made inflatable punching bags in the shape of R2-D2 or Star Wars belt buckles, people would buy them. Right after the movie was released there were only twelve different action figures, but by the time <i>Return of the Jedi</i> had tolled around six years later, pretty much any human or alien that appeared on screen for more than a second or two had their own action figure. I’m looking at you, “Twin Pod Cloud Car Pilot.”

Om the mid-90s, more than 10 years after the release of Jedi, Hasbro (who had acquired Kenner in 1991) once again began making and releasing Star Wars toys. And, like before, everything they made, people bought. By the time the first new Star Wars movie in two decades hit theaters, 1999’s <i>Episode One: The Phantom Menace</i>, it has been pretty well established that anything they made that was related to Star Wars, someone would buy. Also, one of those “someones” was me.

I spent a lot of time and money in the early 2000s buying Star Wars action figures. Like many others I got caught up in buying all the new action figures and toys and then not opening them. (Which reminds me, if you are looking to buy several hundred Star Wars figures from the 1990s and 2000s that were never opened, hit me up.) There were action figures, there were space ships, and just like before they released that they could make anything they want, from Star Wars frisbees to Star Wars yo-yos, and people would buy those things too.

That brings me to Jar Jar’s tongue.

I don’t know much about product marketing but I would have loved to seen the sales pitch where someone came up with the idea to turn Jar Jar Binks’ tongue into a “Monster Mouth Lollipop.” There’s a button you can press to make his tongue extend. At best it would look like you were licking Jar Jar’s tongue and at worst it appears you are French kissing him. And I can’t imagine many adults were eating these things which meant somebody somewhere envisioned a world where children would walk around making kissy face with a Gungan. Bizarre.

Even more bizarre is that, like to many other things, I bought one of these back in 1999 and never opened it. For 27 years I have owned a lollipop in the shape of Jar Jar Binks’ tongue sitting on a shelf.

Someone of you may recall that last fall we experienced a water leak in our house that led to a pretty bad flood. As a result of that, industrial fans and heaters were brought into our home. My office had to be emptied, which meant taking things from an already hot room and putting them into storage tubs where many of them have spent the past year out in our garage. The projected temperature here every day this week is over 100 degrees Fahrenheit and in my garage, in those tubs, it’s way hotter. Hot enough to melt an alien’s tongue, in fact.

A little at a time I’ve been bringing things back into my office. I no longer need to display or even keep everything I own that says Star Wars on it and those frisbees and yo-yos are being passed along. As I was digging through one of the tubs recently I stuck my hand down inside and grabbed something... sticky. Jar Jar survived the great attack of the Battle Droids, but Oklahoma’s summer heat was too much for him. The entire thing is sticky and right after taking these pictures, ol’ Jar Jar made his way to a trash dumpster in a galaxy not so far away.

At least the Star Wars Pop-Tarts seem to have survived.